The Day I Hate The Most...

My birthday...

In one week I will be 37. In one week, the day I hate the most out of all the days in the world will be here. I hate my birthday. I wish we could just go from June 30 right into July 2 and then I wouldn't expect my birthday to be fun. My birthday happens to be a really busy time of the the year, when people are traveling, planning 4th of July festivities, planning family reunions, and every year my birthday was forgotten, or generally just pooh. One year, my own mother forgot about it. When I was growing up I never had a fun party with a cake and pin the tail on the donkey. I never had a pinata like other parties I went to. I never had a pool party... and I certainly didn't have one of those crazy sweet 16 parties like the rich girls all get these days. All I wanted was a party with my friends, but we were always out of town at the family reunion. What a treat it was to spend every one of my childhood birthdays with 35 old people in the mountains. I guess I always hoped as I got older that my friends would have a surprise party, or the man in my life would do something really special... and every year I kind of hold out hope.. and every year... NOTHING. This year will be no exception. I am single again this year during my birthday so of course it won't be spent with anyone "special". This doesn't make me feel better. It makes me feel worse. The getting older never bothered me until this year. I just feel like that's it. I am "Over The Hill" and I should start finding cats to live with me, and give up my "Happily Ever After" dream.

I honestly don't think there is anything more depressing than spending your birthday with a cake you bought, watching the "Dog The Bounty Hunter" Marathon, but that is exactly what I intend to do.

Thank You Thank You!

I got an early B-day Present! For those of you who are still in need of gifting, it's ok you still have time It's July 1st!


So Monty decided I was stinky or something cause she sent me this awesome smelly good stuff.

Tramp Shower Gel
Sex Bomb & Think Pink Bath Bombs
Rock Star Soap
Angel On Bare skin Facial cleaner

All from www.lush.com


I freaking LOVE IT!


The names are the best... but they all smell very much like something I would pick for myself (It's cause we share a brain and stuff)

I love you Monty Skanypanties!

Lots of Things...

So it's official summer vacation around here. My son graduated 6th grade and will now be in Junior High school next year. My daughter will be in college. OMG. I feel about 100 years old now. Where did the years go? It doesn't seem strange seeing them growing up... it seems strange seeing ME get older. I'm not so ready for this. I don't feel like I am speeding towards 37 with a daughter in college. I feel like I am 27, and I should still be in college.

My recent bout with mortality has also brought on a new anxiety. Will I find Mr. Right before I am dead? BB and I decided (and when I say we I mean HE) decided that it would be better if weren't together. He has too many obligations to have a girlfriend in another country. I'm not sure if this is a permanent thing or not. He spoke of "down the road, when I have more time" and "hopefully I won't be too late". That made me feel better, and eased the shock of being dumped yet again, but the reality is... That was probably a nice, non confrontational way of breaking up with me as we still have the radio station together. I don't want it to be over because I do care for him a great deal. I don't want to go through the "getting to know" you again. I just started to learn how to trust someone again, and "the other shoe dropped" but.. I should have known. It always does. This time was different for me though. I didn't lock myself away eating cookies, and crying into my pillow in the middle of the floor. I didn't go into a major depression, and cry listening to Marillion songs over and over. I just kind of shrugged this off. Not because it doesn't hurt... it does. I guess I have just become so jaded that it's almost like I don't believe in true love anymore. I have too many people counting on me at the station to lose it. The station and the people that have put in all those hours depended on me not to fall apart and let it effect the station.

During this time of total "bummerness"... I have really learned who my true friends are. The ones that were there to check on me and make sure I wasn't eating cookies and crying. The ones that showed me how loved I am, and the ones who made me laugh instead of crying. The ones who played special songs and dedicated them to me on their radio show. The ones that showed me what blessings I have in my life.

It's too bad everyone can't experience that kind of friendship. It's too bad not everyone wants that. It's too bad some people are so into thinking people are out to get them, that they couldn't see the friendship they COULD have had. It's also a very sad thing when people have so much anger, hate, and hurt built up inside them that their only joy is to spew venom at those who have REALLY done NOTHING to them personally. I was that person once... but I'm not anymore.

It's not that hard to change...

Blogathon Approaches

Blogathon is right around the corner, and it's time to start thinking about what charity I would like to support. Last year I picked the National Cancer Society, because I lost my father to liver cancer. This year I thought about HIV/AIDS research, but I am still undecided.

I am torn over blogathon. On one hand I am looking forward to raising money for a good cause, having some fun, and possibly making some new friends. On the other hand I know that since my station will be one of many stations doing 24 hours live for charity, there will most likely be drama.

The saddest part is, this is one day when there should be NO drama at all. We should all be able to set aside our differences, and our petty jealously in order to create an environment that nurtures the spirit of giving.

Not Knowing...

... is NOT fun.

Just saying...

I Know, right?!