For Me...

I'm not writing this post for you today!

Today I am writing for me. I need to. I need to get back to writing on this blog for me, and not worrying about what anyone thinks. I stopped writing, because I thought I had "lost my funny". The truth is, I lost me. I don't know where I lost me, but I did. Maybe it's when I gave a part of my heart away. The good news is, I am back. The bad news is...I am back bitches! *giggle*

C.G. was destined to go to Germany and he is. I am sad of course, because I fell for the big dope. I don't regret it. He made good blog...Ok no I mean yes, he did of course with his talk of Tr*y, and trains. With his incredible wisdom about women, and who could forget his drunk dialing? I mean some of those were classic! However, I will miss him for a lot of other reasons. He became my best friend. It's not like he is dead and we will never talk again...so I guess in a way I get to keep my friend, but we could talk about anything, and nothing at all for hours. We would talk 15 times a day, just because we could. He could make me laugh, and I think I could make him chuckle once in a while too. When we were together is was comfortable, and never awkward. He was a spaz sometimes, but I thought that was cute. He was generally an all around good person, and it seemed he would do anything for the people he loved. I don't know if he ever loved me, if he did, he never told me in words. Maybe he loved me as much as HE was capable. I would like to think that he did. I will always love him, and I think he knows that. I spent the last ten months of my life getting to know, & falling in love with someone that could have been perfect for me, had things worked out a different way. Who knows, maybe someday things will be different. If not that's ok too. I gained a really super friend. I made some great memories, and I know that if I ever need anything from Germany he is my "go to guy".

Now, I need to move on..to what? To who? I'm not sure. I am sure it will provide good blog again though. Last night I went out to sing...Not to dress up, or get hit on by random weirdos that prey on innocent "Karaoke Divas" as usual. I did it to prove to myself that before all of this, I was a really awesome person with or without a boyfriend. My love for music, and singing is what got me through bad days. Made me cry, made me laugh. The people that are in my Karaoke Posse, are the best. It's not about just going out and having fun and being silly..It's about being part of a weird little mix of people I call family. No matter who I am dating, or not dating, they will be there, they will love me, for me...and all for a song.

I have stopped crying for C.G. and started singing, for ME.