The Ice Palace

We are so vain that we even care for the opinion of those we don't care for...

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Is eHarmony Really That Harmonious?

I signed up for eHarmony yesterday. I know it's completely silly, and way overpriced, but I had a "special promo code" in my e-mail that got me 3 months for the price of one. How can anyone pass that up? Well ok, so I thought I would try something new. I signed up, took all their endless personality tests, and posted the best pictures I could find of me. I spose I should have posted the "pork-n-beans" picture, but I was at work when I was setting this all up. (insert innocent look here)

So I get all of these matches sent to me. I check them out excited at the possibility that one of these men "may be the one" according to the commercials on TV. I am disappointed to find out that eHarmony apparently thinks my perfect match is a midget. I'm not THAT picky when it comes to dating these days. However, I do require the men I date to be at least my height. Honestly I would prefer they be at least 6' tall, but I'd settle for 5'9" if I had to. When I am in heels I like to look up at the man I am kissing not down. Is that so much to ask eHarmony? IS IT?! I think not! After weeding out the plethora of vertically challenged men, I finally find one that may work. I go through the first step. This is where "Anthony" and I are introduced to one another. I can have a tiny bit of info about him, yet he has selected that his pictures not be seen until further into the communication stages. That's ok, I am not THAT shallow. The next stage is the communication stage. That is where you both get the joy of answering 5 closed ended questions that are multiple choice. I answered his, he answered mine, and so far so good. The next section in communication is the must haves/cant stands. I list mine, and he lists his. I am reading through his and notice that he can't stand overweight people. Now I don't weigh 400lbs, and live in Hawaiian print dresses and eat bon bons all day, but I am slightly overweight. I may be "fluffy" as the kindergarten crew from work calls me, but I am still really sexy, and I have a lot to offer someone. A male friend of mine recently told me I am the whole package and a man would be crazy not to want to go out with me. It's too bad I am not attracted to that friend...So now as I sit here writing this I wonder, do I close the "match"? Should I let him get to the rest of the stages and then meet me and see that I may be a great person? Will I always have that doubt in my head that he thinks I am sexy since he "can't stand overweight people"? I personally think I should close the match on the sole basis that he "can't stand mean people". I believe I can fall into that category when provoked...And so far I haven't even talked to this "match" and I am feeling rather provoked to be mean to him.

So far every man I have met on the internet has been a complete jerk. I would rather meet a guy in a bar and give him my number, to never have him call. I mean you expect it...But after endless hours of typing and getting to know someone, going out and having a great time why does a man just suddenly fall off the planet? If we aren't a good match in your opinion fine, then just say so it's not like I am going to drive off a cliff with a note pinned to my chest that it was all your fault for deciding I wasn't your type after one date. Man up, have some integrity and just make a quick phone call. I promise it won't hurt.

3 Comments:

At 4:37 PM , Blogger Rob Frankel said...

Interesting writing style. Fun. FYI, eHarmony is just shy of being a Christian dating service. Did you know that? Not many people do....

 
At 12:36 AM , Blogger Jen said...

you should ditch his shallow ass and start over...he's a fucking asshole

 
At 11:30 AM , Blogger Debi said...

Rob, since I am Christian I don't have a problem with that! LOL

 

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