The Ice Palace

We are so vain that we even care for the opinion of those we don't care for...

Friday, July 22, 2005

I Have Road Rage

I admit it. I have road rage. I have a problem with drivers that are inconsiderate, and/or stupid. The sad thing is, I don't even live in an area where there is a lot of traffic like L. A. Or something. I live in a nice, easy going area where everyone is nice to each other until one of two things happens.

1. The locals get behind the wheel of their cars and become retarded.

2. Valley people(That would be The San Joaquin Valley for those of you who have no idea) come over and try to drive, and apparently when they hit the county line THEY become retarded.

Jen B who rides with me most of the time finds my rage amusing, and I am sure she can tell you some stories about our road trips. I come up with catchy names for some of our "slower" friends on the road. I yell at them as if they can hear me. I curse their first born children. I really just want them all to be swallowed up into a vast crevice in the ground. If you drive like this, and you know who you are...HERE is some advice.

You people who drive in the "Fast" lane, going 65 and under, move over into the slower lane. I don't care if you think you are doing us all a favor by saving our lives! YOU are not, because if I wanna go faster I will go around you...It may be on the right hand side after I called you a bunch of names, and gave you a dirty look on the way by, but it WILL Happen!! Please don't worry about the ticket I am about to get. That's MY problem. You know what? MOVE THE HELL OVER! Then, as I am being pulled over by the nice CHP officer you get your chance to laugh and mock me. If you didn't move over than SCREW YOU! You get no mocking rights!

You people who cannot merge onto the freeway without causing people to slam on their breaks. Just go sell your car, and take the bus because you people are moronic! How hard is it to merge into traffic? Everyday I get on the freeway on my way home from work. Everyday there is some person that does not understand that you need to SPEED UP to merge with on coming traffic, or else you WILL get plowed into, most likely by one of my movers in a big truck.

You people who drive really really slow in the fast lane, right NEXT TO the slow person in the slow lane. YOU cause people to have to sit behind you and wish harm on you. Do us all a favor and find the nearest cliff and drive off of it, you have no business being on the road!

You people who pull out in front of me and cause me to slam on my breaks in order to NOT hit you, next time I WILL hit you. I needed a new car anyway and YOU will being paying for it...So just DON'T do it! I mean you can see me coming, it's a white car with a HOT PINK Princess license plate on the front how do you miss that?

You old people who are still driving? STOP! You scare the hell out of me and the rest of the planet. You drive UNDER the posted speed limit, your hearing is gone, your sight is gone, and you can barely see over the steering wheel. I will take you to your appointments if you PLEASE Surrender your license NOW! Oh and to the DMV that is giving these people licenses: What the hell are YOU thinking?!?!?

You people who try to pass 5 cars on a two lane road with oncoming traffic (valley people on their way to the coast) just stay in your house, play video games and eat soup. YOU are a danger to yourself and everyone around you.

You people who drive drunk, just don't! This is a serious one. I mean how hard is it to find some poor pathetic friend who doesn't have a car of her own and force her to be your designated driver? Stumble home, pass out in the parking lot, find some guy and talk him into giving you a ride home for "Favors" JUST DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE! If you drink and you drive and you kill someone I think you should be tied to a train track and run over by "CG". I think he would do it too!

I feel better now.


At 10:44 AM , Blogger The Complimenting Commenter said...

Wow! I would say that most of those I agree with. Great job getting that off your chest. Cool post.

At 10:54 AM , Blogger Miss Cambria, 1892 said...

Number 1: It's spelled B-U-S, not B-U-S-S. Here's another word for ya: M-O-R-O-N.
Number 2: Screw you, I drive great when I'm over there and YOU know it.
Number 3: Hello? Drunk Driving? hypocrite much?

and before you other do-gooders slam me for slamming her...she's my sister.. it's my perogative.. she does it to me all the time.

At 11:53 AM , Blogger Debi said...

I do not drive kiss my big o butt, and you fall under the catagory of driving too slow and scaring me....

I typoed...screw you :D

At 12:28 PM , Blogger Miss Cambria, 1892 said...

I don't drive slow you witch. Just because you can make it from my house to yours in an hour and a half. Ya alcoholic speed demon.

At 1:43 PM , Blogger David said... Go there to find some creative new things to call morons on the road.

At 2:24 PM , Blogger Debi said... yeah ok...

David: You are a wealth of trivial info that I just love, another reason you are perfect!

At 2:36 PM , Blogger Jen said...

You forgot the ones that are on a Sunday drive while you're trying to get on the freeway and they have plenty of room to get over they just don't because they are Swedish pencil dicks and/or master f**ks (edited for a clean blog).

Oh and Jenne, if it makes you feel better Debi is a terrible driver, too. You should have seen her trying to get to Krispy Kreme one time. It was hilarious. you really wanna do that WHILE she's driving? Do you have a death wish? Hehehe!!!

At 6:57 PM , Blogger The Dummy said...

This was very funny to read! I think all of us can relate at one point or another!

At 8:41 PM , Blogger JustaDiva said...

and here I was thinking letting stalkeralina keep her cell phone drunk was bad... gosh!

friends dont let friends have the cell phone when drinking.. isn't that right Jen B. :)

as for the stupid Van post... it is just that stupid and NOTHING to do wtih jack crap ...its like you have to turn everything into some stupid sexual situation .. lay off... some of us don't care to hear the stupid crap.....

oh please reply :)

At 9:06 PM , Blogger mlwhitt said...

My wife and I lived in Nashville, Tn for the past 6 years up until last summer. Well drivers there are the worse in the south next to Atlanta. Anyway we went back down there on the 4th to visit and I got back into the Nashville "Defensive" mode of driving. Anyway when we got back to our rural area Kim was like..."Dude you really need to slow down we aren't in Nashville anymore". Guess it really does catch.

At 9:39 AM , Blogger madman said...

I'm sorry if I mis-spell any words on this comment--but I am typing on my lap-top while on the freeway! SHIT--gotta go--I just drifted in another lane and some girl shot me the finger!

At 4:01 PM , Blogger Lisa said...


At 7:01 PM , Blogger Charlie Mc said...

great post!

At 9:14 PM , Blogger Debi said...

Madman: LOL! Thank you! That was awesome.

Charlie: Welcome back hon, can't wait for another week of blogs from you!

Lisa: Yes, well we know that already.

Complimenting Commenter: Thanks

Mlwhitt: Great story! :)

DD: Thanks for popping in! :)

At 11:36 AM , Blogger Nina said...

lol. That's wonderful. I completely agree with everything you said.

At 7:24 PM , Blogger Cosmorok said...

HAHA, Oh damn I get wild driving because of those kinds of drivers. Interesting thing is, I may say things when I'm by myself but when someone else is in the car, they trigger something in me to give them a show. I never claimed to be mature.


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