The Ice Palace

We are so vain that we even care for the opinion of those we don't care for...

Sunday, July 31, 2005

The Ice Palace Gets A Make Over!

Don't forget to Vote!

Thanks to the AWESOME crew at Elegant Webscapes!
The Ice Palace has had a make over!
Thanks so much Lisa, it's exactly what I wanted!

Friday, July 29, 2005

My Head Hurts

Last night I decided it would be a swell idea to go to our local fair. I called up my friend Ryan. The one that got fired from The Grid for talking to some girl on the phone. (he would like me to point out he did a LOT more than that to get fired) I told him what fun we would have and he decided to go. He met me at my house and I drove to the fair. On the way to the fair we played with my new satellite radio in my car. It went from 80's music to reggae, to dance rave type music, to showtunes. When we got to the showtunes we started talking about what shows we had seen lately, and he mentioned that he had seen Phantom, and it was awesome. That's great. I am truly happy for you Ryan, but WHY OH WHY did you feel the need to tell me all about your glitter fantasy? Ryan apparently only has one fantasy involving a woman dressed as a fairy wearing so much glitter that he will find it in his bed for the next three weeks. Oh and he SWEARS he's not gay...Yeah ok whatever! While on our way to the fair we almost rear-ended a Volvo driving old hag that apparently had to look at the car pulled over on the side of the road. Ryan was screaming "I'm in my happy place. I'm in my happy place" I am guessing that place involved glittered fairies. The fair provides shuttle service to the fair if you park miles away. That bus ride to the fair is always a prelude to the freakshow we are about to endure. There was one couple who apparently didn't get the "how to dress for the fair" manual. She had on high heel sandals and a mini skirt.....I dunno maybe she was really a prostitute trying to get downtown for free....But heels at the fair? Ok so for all of you out there in blog land that don't know what to wear to the fair I have prepared this quick easy to follow guide.

1.You are going to do a lot of walking (or "model walking" if you are me) so wear comfortable shoes! No heels! Besides you are going to get all drunk and stab a cow pie with that heel and walk all over looking really foolish. Do you really want that?

2. No hats that either make you look like you are going to rob a 7-11 store, cowboy hats that you can smuggle a midget under, or WWII helmets. Please for the love of GOD do not buy one of those airbrushed trucker hats that say "Babygirl" and then proceed to wear it off to the side. You look ridiculous.

3. If you are in fact over 200lbs, DO NOT wear a babydoll camisole blouse, with your belly hanging out. I mean if you are "fluffy" and you love the way you look that it awesome, but I don't wanna see your "Pillsbury dough boy" impression.

4. If you are wearing a fanny pack of any kind you should be shot on site! If you are wearing it to the front it is STILL a fanny pack, STOP IT!

5.. If you are a man please do not pull your pants up so high that they are directly under your ginormous man boobs, not pointy toed boots, no neckerchiefs (you are not at boy scout camp), no airbrushed wife-beaters, and OMG lose the trucker hat you freako Ashton wannabe! Oh and if your pants are falling off yer butt, please pull them up cause I don't wanna see your hairy butt crack while I am trying to watch a concert. Thanks!

Ok now back to my trip to the fair...
So we get there and I end up getting something fruity in a blinky cup. The gal at the booth insisted I turn my cup on to blink some seizure inducing light show. I wasn't thrilled with that so I told her I was epileptic and she should feel bad. She looked all shocked at me, and walked away. In the mean time Ryan made a friend at the beer booth. The girl asked him " Do you keep coming over here cause you like us?" Of course Ryan was just after the beer....But he was polite and said "uh yeah sure" She was not convinced. You know he didn't go back after that. I think she scared him away. We walked around the fair while I drank 2 more of those fruity concoctions. They seemed so refreshing and innocent at the time! Damn you fruity drinks! Ryan decided we needed to eat something, so I opted for a hot dog on a stick (drunk fair food YAY!) and he ate a bratwurst. I vaguely remember calling "CG" and telling him I was at the fair. Why I did this I had no idea...I remember him asking me if I was drunk and I said "I think so" All I remember was CG saying "It's still daylight outside!"....Is there some rule that I can only be drunk from fruity fair drinks AFTER dark? I didn't get that memo...Oh well. Ryan and I made our way to the Smashmouth concert. I'm not a huge fan or anything in fact before last night if you had ask me to name their songs I couldn't have without hearing it first. Well I STILL can't really except the Happy Days song. Now I had no idea WHY we were going except that it was free. We got some seats fairly close to the front of the stage, and sat down. Of course at that very moment I had to use the ladies room. So I left Ryan there talking to some strange man while I went to go find the nearest bathroom. Well that happened to be by the fruity blinky drinky place, so I got a "refill". On the way back I noticed I was walking like one of those run way models. You know the kind that walk like horses clomping down one foot in front of the other. Apparently I thought it was a good idea. I am sure someone, somewhere is blogging about this and explaining it is in fact, NOT a good idea. I finally found Ryan again through the sea of teen agers I had to wade through to get back to my seat. I told him about my fabulous new walk, but he seemed unimpressed. So there we sat in our great seats waiting for the show to start, thinking we had a primo spot for ...Who is it we are here for again?...That was all fine and dandy until they came on stage. Then a gang of 17 year old boys, an overweight father of two young girls, (who by the way thought it was a good idea to hold his 2 year old daughter in front of the speaker while pumping her arm in the air while she sobbed) a clearly retarded man, a couple of butch looking women, and two girls in trucker hats rushed the stage in front of us. It's a good thing no one made me spill my fruity concoction of booze or I woulda had to sit there and do nothing because dammit I was scared. I looked at Ryan and said why are we here? He said "I dunno, I hear there are funnel cakes here" Some clown behind me kept screaming "Do All-Star!" to the band. The people in front of me would turn around and look at this guy like they were going to revolt and attack him at any moment. I thought it would be a good idea instead to shout out "DO THE SHREK SONG!" Bad plan! We stayed for two or maybe three songs because they all sounded the same to me. There was one about "Fonzi" from "Happy Days", I am sure of it. They did the shrek song, that made me happy, and then it was time to go. Ryan wanted a funnel cake. Normally this would have been a great idea. However, after my 3 fruity blinky drinks it was in fact a bad idea. If you ever think about doing it...Just don't. Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad, except on the shuttle bus ride back to the car the lady in front of us closed the window, and proceeded to fart. It smelled like an entire zoo crawled up in her and died. It was all I could do not to throw up in her hair. I just kept thinking of Patsy and her throw up in her hands story, and how I didn't want one of my own and we finally made it to the car. We went back to my house, where I promptly passed out from too many fruity blinky drinks, and lack of sleep. Jen B. and I will be going back tonight to attend the Berlin concert, so I should have even more stories tomorrow! Hopefully they will not involve any glitter or model walking!

I am going to go lay down on my desk now...

Thursday, July 28, 2005

So I have a crush on The Water Boy

So my office gets bottled water...I dunno why. No one drinks it. I am the only one in the office and unless it suddenly becomes caffeinated I am not drinking it. That and the water tank that it dispenses from looks like it was shoved up someone's butt and yanked back out it is so funky gross.

Yet, every other week Mike comes to see me. I think he really comes to drop off new bottles of water(cause the other ones have gathered dust) for the office, but let me have my moment 'K? Today sat down right in front of me and looked at me like he was actually going to have a conversation with me. When I figured out how to speak, I asked him what he needed. Secretly I was hoping he would say "Only you, my Goddess of moving!" Sadly he said "A quote to move out of state". Not only is my water boy, who looks really good in those little blue shorts, going to be moving away from me. He is also going out of state? WHO will bring me water I never drink? What if the new guy is mean and yells at me for not drinking the water? What if the new guy doesn't give us free cups? (That we never use...But STILL...They are FREE!) more importantly...How will I live without my visits from Mike the water boy? Did I mention he has nice teeth?


Call Center Princezz

One upon a time *I* was a Call Center Princezz... When I first moved back to the area I live in now (I grew up here) I needed internet access because I had an addiction to on line porn...Ok not really but it sounded good. I needed internet fast, and there was a local company in town called "The Grid". My mom had given me a CD, and said all you have to do is put this in your PC and you have access. Well I called them, got myself one of those fancy DIAL-UP accounts. SHUT UP! This was a long time ago...and started to get connected with this "super disk". Well it ended up jacking up my already crappy computer, so I was forced to call their tech support number. I hated that since I thought I was quite the computer geek. I got connected to a very nice man named Chris (we shall call him Fruit Smoothie) who ended up getting me connected finally, and helping me fix my computer issues even though he wasn't suppose to. He said he was impressed with a girl who could "speak geek", and told me to e-mail him just to make sure my internet was working. OF COURSE he was hitting on me, but I didn't care cause I was new in town and didn't have a boyfriend. So I did and we started talking all the time. We ended up going on a few dates. He knew I needed a job and encouraged me to apply there where he worked. I did and much to my delight I was hired on as a customer service rep. That was ok until I found out that "Fruit Smoothie" liked to visit porn shop arcades A LOT. I mean that I can get over but the fact that his ex wife went on a date with us one time was TOO much (ok so I had invited an old high school friend for potential dating purposes---but STILL).

The Grid was an eclectic mix of college students, nerds, and losers. It was the most fun I had ever had at a job. I got to talk on the phone, play on high speed internet, and eat all day long. It was like getting paid to sit and do what I wanted to do at home. The day crew consisted of my supervisor L. She was a bitter lesbian, who liked to go out to Sushi a lot. I really liked working for her, but I think she wanted me. Then there was my cube-mate Chad. He was great, but thought I wanted him from my first day...Hello...You are gay...Um NO! We ended up pissing everyone in our office off with our garish Christmas decorations, complete with a live tree. Somehow we did NOT care. He ended up becoming my roommate instead. There was Fusco, who was our Web Hosting guru. He was really nerdy, and totally cocky...We all made fun of him behind his back because he lived with his mom and lived off Top Ramen noodles...Ok to his face...But ya know it was GREAT! I think he had a fantasy about becoming a waiter, because he always took our food orders for meetings. There was "The little boy with leukemia" well ok she was not a boy, nor Ill...But she was some bitchy little short lesbian with one of those "I hate men" hair-cuts. She came back bragging about how she went to some concert and they let her dance on stage, and I ended up making some comment about how "they most likely let her on stage because they felt sorry for the little boy with a terminal illness". There was my OTHER supervisor B. I remember he would always take us all out bar hopping with his gold card and call it a write off. He was hot, and to this day I still fantasize I could be MRS.. B...But I think he married some short chick a while back so perhaps I should just let go of that dream huh? There were a few people on the night shift that I had become friends with while I trained them too. Ryan was one that I remember most. I think he had a crush on me from the beginning but I always had a boyfriend while I worked there so no chance. He was fired from there for talking on the phone every night to some girl 2 hours away, and ignoring other calls. He should have got the hint when his supervisor (who had listened in on all of his calls) told him he was "suave". He later instigated a failed e-mail take down of the company after he left, that lead to a career change of serving food in tights.

Some how I got promoted to Quality Assurance. All that meant is that I got paid a lot more to narc out all of my friends back in customer service when they sat on the phone talking to their friends. I loved that job, but they downsized and threw me back into customer service with the same rate of pay. I was like a kid at Christmas I was so excited. Although Customer Service wasn't as fun anymore. Chad got fired for sexual harassment of a lesbian. (Before that I think you had to commit murder in order to be fired from that place.) so my partner in call center crime was gone. I ended up hanging out with our office admin. Now I could go on and on and she deserves a post all her own, because she is in fact a witch....

But that will have to come later.
I ended up gaining 20lbs, a LOT of friends, and a lot of skills working for that place, but sadly they closed the call center when Earthlink(The Devil's I.S.P.) bought us out. It was still the best job I have ever have.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

"Cute Guy Update"

Well I bet you figured CG had derailed into some vast void in the Earth's surface. He has not. SURPRISE! We have spoken just about everyday since he got back from his friend's funeral. I know he couldn't believe it either. For the most part it was the same mindless dribble as before. He would talk on and on about the movie TR*Y, and trains. Which bored the hell out of me most of the time, so I could not put you loyal fans of The Ice Palace through that too.

I had just about given up hope that he was even human...Then one day it happened! He started being something from this planet instead of the "Planet Train Town". He was amusing, so I indulged him. It was refreshing to speak to a man and not have the conversation wander into something about sex every time. We talked about relationships, political views (Hey Jenne he's on "Our" team) and a lot of other serious stuff that doesn't fall under the heading of "Fluff", but can't be blogged about.

It's kind of strange, because up to this point I didn't think we had one single thing in common, except that we lived in the same town, and breathed air. It seems we do have quite a bit in common actually.

I dunno maybe he is a good guy after all? I think all of the cockiness is just a defense. I called him a playah yesterday. He laughed and said his friends would all think that was crazy, since in his words " he has no game".

He's leaving for training in a week, and he will be gone for a month. I really want to see him before he leaves, but with our busy schedules I don't know if it's going to be possible.

Gosh could I actually LIKE this guy? *Gasp* NO NO NO NO...I refuse...

Diva: I did NOT SAY SMITTEN! NanananaBooBoo.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Boyz are Stoopid

Now I would like to preface this post by saying not ALL boyz are stupid, and behave badly...Or I will never hear the end of it from Charlie.

A recent chat with one of my friends got me thinking about some of the BOYZ I have dated in my past. I call them BOYZ because if they were real men they probably wouldn't behave the way they did. I have actually dated some really wonderful men, just not that great for me. Then there are the men that for some reason feel it is absolutely necessary to lie to me. I just don't get it. I mean I understand if you are cheating on me (and if you are you are a fool for SO many reasons) you would lie to me. However, I have had men lie about the most ridiculous things ever. Here are a few examples;

The last guy I dated we shall call "Chef". I met him on line. His ad said he knew his way around a kitchen. I later found out THAT was a lie too unless you count chicken caserole made with minute rice, and Campbell's soup or the bagel dogs he bought at costco to heat in the microwave. I thought he was very sweet, sexy, charming etc etc. My friends thought he was a bit "nerdy". That's ok with me because I like nerdy guys. We met up a couple of times and he seemed interested. After a while I asked him if we were "a couple" type thingy. The ONLY reason I asked is because I was also chatting with someone other men at the same time that were interested, and I didn't want to start something with them, if he thought it was a bad idea. *I* removed my personal ad, he did not (I should have known right then he was a liar) He said "Sure" I would later find out that was his standard answer to everything. I asked him numerous times if this is really what he wanted, because I was cool with just dating and getting to know one another. He insisted it was what he wanted. Well Halloween rolled around and he thought it would be a great idea if we got matching costumes and went out to a fabulous party or something. He even planned on getting us a hotel room with a jaccuzzi in it for the evening since we were going to be out of town. If he "Just wasn't that in to me" why did he do all of that? This went on for a few months. He met my family, spent the Thanksgiving holiday with us. He met my kids, all of my friends..The whole nine yards. I had no idea that anything was wrong until I discovered he had not only cheated on me (with more than one woman he met on line & more than one time) but he was telling his friends, family, coworkers etc, that he was lonely, and didn't have a girlfriend. This is what I don't get...If you don't want to be in a relationship with someone why say that you do? I admit that when I found out about his infidelity I freaked out. I MAY HAVE called him a few names. I MAY HAVE said he was mentally retarded. I MAY HAVE put a curse on his genital region with a voodoo doll...But I was upset. NOT the fact that he broke up with me, because looking back, I can see that he was NOT the right person for me. I mean I JUST can't be with a man who doesn't eat cheese! That's not right! I was purely upset that he had lied to me for so many months about so many things, and for NO reason. If he had said "hey ya know I just don't think I wanna be in a relationship right now" I would have been very cool with that. If he had said "HEY! I wanna go out and be a big o' Mack daddy playah pimp, and get crabs" I would said. "Ok have fun, see ya!...But I wouldn't have been angry. So why did he lie? I dunno. I don't even think he knows. It's not like I was gonna throw myself off a cliff with a note pinned to my chest that it was all his fault. I really hope some day "Chef" finds someone that makes him happy so he doesn't have to lie, cause he missed out on this "Princezz".

Before Chef there was "Turd Of the Month". He received that lovely name from my daughter after he lied to me. His lie was the most ridiculous one yet! I had sent him flowers for a special occasion. Tulips, because our first conversation was about tulips. When I called to ask if he had received them he said "Yes, they are wonderful, I put them in a vase on my desk!" I asked him if he liked what I wrote in the card, and he claimed there was no card. So I screamed at some pour lady at the flower place for screwing up my order. I went to visit him (he lived 6 hours away) the next weekend. When I got there I noticed the box the flowers came in, with the flowers dead STILL in the box WITH the card just as it came. Ok so he doesn't like flowers or whatever...So just SAY SO. DON'T LIE about it. I spent 9 months with this guy. I eventually broke up with him. HE is still lying too! He sends me e-mails every once in a while letting me know "I still love you".

There was "Granite" that lied about not having a girlfriend---he DID!

There was "Convict" that lied about why he had gone to jail

There was "I'm not Gay" who..Um yeah sure yer not buddy!

There was "Chester" who lied about the age of girls he preferred---ewww!

So why? Why do men lie about....Everything? Just man-up and be honest. Why do you think women act like crazed hyena? Because you have driven us insane!

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Happy Monday! Don't forget to vote!

Ok Blogaholics Don't forget it's MONDAY, yes you know what that means, it's time to vote for my blog, even if you don't LIKE my ramblings... just click the button once for me would ya? OK enough about that....I will be back very shortly to post a few stories about my weekend, so hold on to your panties Boyz and Girlz!

Friday, July 22, 2005

I Have Road Rage

I admit it. I have road rage. I have a problem with drivers that are inconsiderate, and/or stupid. The sad thing is, I don't even live in an area where there is a lot of traffic like L. A. Or something. I live in a nice, easy going area where everyone is nice to each other until one of two things happens.

1. The locals get behind the wheel of their cars and become retarded.

2. Valley people(That would be The San Joaquin Valley for those of you who have no idea) come over and try to drive, and apparently when they hit the county line THEY become retarded.

Jen B who rides with me most of the time finds my rage amusing, and I am sure she can tell you some stories about our road trips. I come up with catchy names for some of our "slower" friends on the road. I yell at them as if they can hear me. I curse their first born children. I really just want them all to be swallowed up into a vast crevice in the ground. If you drive like this, and you know who you are...HERE is some advice.

You people who drive in the "Fast" lane, going 65 and under, move over into the slower lane. I don't care if you think you are doing us all a favor by saving our lives! YOU are not, because if I wanna go faster I will go around you...It may be on the right hand side after I called you a bunch of names, and gave you a dirty look on the way by, but it WILL Happen!! Please don't worry about the ticket I am about to get. That's MY problem. You know what? MOVE THE HELL OVER! Then, as I am being pulled over by the nice CHP officer you get your chance to laugh and mock me. If you didn't move over than SCREW YOU! You get no mocking rights!

You people who cannot merge onto the freeway without causing people to slam on their breaks. Just go sell your car, and take the bus because you people are moronic! How hard is it to merge into traffic? Everyday I get on the freeway on my way home from work. Everyday there is some person that does not understand that you need to SPEED UP to merge with on coming traffic, or else you WILL get plowed into, most likely by one of my movers in a big truck.

You people who drive really really slow in the fast lane, right NEXT TO the slow person in the slow lane. YOU cause people to have to sit behind you and wish harm on you. Do us all a favor and find the nearest cliff and drive off of it, you have no business being on the road!

You people who pull out in front of me and cause me to slam on my breaks in order to NOT hit you, next time I WILL hit you. I needed a new car anyway and YOU will being paying for it...So just DON'T do it! I mean you can see me coming, it's a white car with a HOT PINK Princess license plate on the front how do you miss that?

You old people who are still driving? STOP! You scare the hell out of me and the rest of the planet. You drive UNDER the posted speed limit, your hearing is gone, your sight is gone, and you can barely see over the steering wheel. I will take you to your appointments if you PLEASE Surrender your license NOW! Oh and to the DMV that is giving these people licenses: What the hell are YOU thinking?!?!?

You people who try to pass 5 cars on a two lane road with oncoming traffic (valley people on their way to the coast) just stay in your house, play video games and eat soup. YOU are a danger to yourself and everyone around you.

You people who drive drunk, just don't! This is a serious one. I mean how hard is it to find some poor pathetic friend who doesn't have a car of her own and force her to be your designated driver? Stumble home, pass out in the parking lot, find some guy and talk him into giving you a ride home for "Favors" JUST DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE! If you drink and you drive and you kill someone I think you should be tied to a train track and run over by "CG". I think he would do it too!

I feel better now.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Old Morning People

OK why is it that as you get older you start to wake up earlier and earlier? Everyone in my family is a morning person, except for myself and my daughter. My grandmother has terrible insomnia so she is up all night reading and dozing. Even then she still wakes up before most farm animals around 3:00 Am. My mother is exactly the same way. She goes to bed rather early in the evening and then wakes up in the middle of the night, and watches all the video of the TV she just missed by going to bed early. Now doesn't it make more sense to actually stay up and watch the TV, then sleep in to a reasonable hour? I dunno let's say...6? Today I was groggily driving to Starbucks on my way to work. I see an elderly gentleman walking his dog along the sidewalk. It's 6:45, and this guy is showered, dressed (poorly I might add) and walking his dog down the road BEFORE 7? What the heck is that about? I mean yes, ok maybe the poor pooch was doing the pee pee dance or something, but I know these people have yards to take their dogs into. That does not require you to get showered, or get dressed in your snazzy straw hat. I just don't get it. I get up at 5:30 every morning, but that's because I HAVE to in order to look this good before work, and get to Starbucks before the rest of the "morning people" so I can get my muffin they are always out of if I run late. If I were retired however, I would sleep in. I mean you work your entire life getting up early, and now you have this wonderful opportunity to sleep in and you walk down the street in your terrible straw hat, while walking your "feeder dog". WHY OH WHY?!?!

Are YOU a morning person? Let me know what you think!

Wednesday, July 20, 2005


So The Lube Bear went over nicely at work this morning. They were all excited about the prospect of Free Lube, even if in Jen B.'s profesional opinion it's crap. In fact one of the crew actually gave me a new little saying for "Lube Bear".


It's too early for talk of vaginal dryness and pooh stories.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Oh MY! It's Something FREE!

OK so everyday in my E-mail I get some Freebie Of The Day thingy. It's left over from my first days on the internet when I ran a porn I mean a Freebie site called Debi's Playground. Sometimes I still read this mail, and usually there are random household cleaners, make-up samples, and of course Jelly Bellys. I am a generous person so today I thought I would give something back to the blog-world, by sharing with you...

Free Astroglide Personal Lubricant

I hope you are all as excited as I am about it!
P.S. Cute Guy, pay careful attention to the above link!

CG Gets Some Ink

When last we left Cute guy he had recently derailed his train. NO not figuratively. He REALLY did derail which put him away from town for several days. When he called me again he was down in Long Beach running a train down there. Well sometime between the time he ran that train to Long Beach and Sunday he got two new tattoos. I'm not overly excited by men with tattoos like Jen B. Is. I am more into the nerdy, clean cut, type, but he has such great teeth! The thought of CG with MORE tattoos verges on horrifying me. I mean it's his body he can go from head to toe if he really wants, and hey that's kewl and all, but why wake me up to tell me about it? Does this man ever sleep? When he called me today at work (he lost my work number again and ended up calling my cell---grrr) he had to ask me yet again "You don't like tattoos?"

I explained "I am not into so many tats on one person, but whatever since we aren't dating it doesn't matter. You only call me when you are bored."

"He laughed and said you don't know what's in my head"

Yes Ice Palace fans, that's right I don't know what's in his head (besides rocks), and at this point I don't really care. I was better off pursuing Anthony from eHarmony, at least he knew what he wanted........ It just wasn't me!

*sigh* Back To The Drawing Board....

Another day at work...

Yesterday I did not end up skewered by the bosses son. When J. Boss got there, he argued with J Boss Jr. For a good 15 minutes on why he could bring the stick-turned-spear home. Something about the LAST time he did that his sister had to go to the hospital. Even though J.Boss Jr. Did tell J. Boss that was his favorite stick it was left sitting on MY DESK to be disposed of. Random thought: WHO the hell has a favorite stick?!

The afternoon turned out a lot worse though. One of my crew members "Pinball" called to tell me that another guy on the crew was attacking him. His exact words were "Tonga just head butted me, and I am bleeding!!!" You see Tonga has a little anger management problem, and likes to fight things out rather than talk. I guess it started with Pinball saying he was going to take a lunch and Tonga didn't want him to, so he decided to kill pinball. In FRONT OF the shipper. When J. Boss heard about this he told me to fire Tonga. My exact words were "Well I understand that he needs to be fired and all but shouldn't that be something YOU do, seeing as Tonga is insane? I mean I don't want my house burned to the ground, and you are the boss!" He agreed, and said have Tonga call me. Well that's fine except for one thing. J. Boss never answers his cell phone. When the crew came back into the office Tonga was fired. Now of course my Tuesday is left scrambling to find someone to work all these jobs I have booked for the next 3 weeks.

Stupid phone call of the day:

Debi Good Morning blah blah blah.

Tuesday's Stupid Shipper: Do you move people?

Debi: Well not me personally, but the company does.

Tuesday's Stupid Shipper: Well can you come to my house and load everything we have into something and leave it there while I remodel?

Debi: No we don't supply C-Trains. However, we can provide you with storage for your belongings until you need them.

Tuesday's Stupid Shipper: So you can bring something out and leave it here?

Debi: NO sir, we don't do that, we only have vaulted storage in our warehouse.

Tuesday's Stupid Shipper: Can you leave the vaults here?

Debi: (Sigh) Um No sir, there is no service that we can provide you that leaves anything on your premises. We only can do the moving, and storage here in OUR warehouse.


Tuesday's Stupid Shipper: Um, so you CAN move me, and you can do that here?

I really did not think this guy was for real, so I just gave up. J. Boss says, if they are a freak on the phone they are a freak on the move, and we have a NO FREAKS Policy.

Debi: Yes Sir we can move you, when did you need this done?

Tuesday's Stupid Shipper: Tomorrow

Debi: (Trying really hard not to laugh) Oh No I am sorry sir. We are booked up until Christmas.

Tuesday's Stupid Shipper: Um...Ok (click)

I hate stupid people!

Monday, July 18, 2005

More Monday Fun!

So...I get past the first part of the day, thinking ok only ONE moronic shipper. Not bad. I am just about to run down and get myself something to eat when J. Boss arrives with his 11 year old son in tow. He says to me. I hope you don't mind if J boss Jr. hangs out here while I go to my appointment? I just looked at him in disbelief. I'm not overly fond of this child. He is a complete spaz. The first time J. Boss did this too me the little monster sat in the office making paper airplanes to throw directly at me. All the while exclaiming "OH Did you see that? I almost hit you right in the eye!" I would just glare from behind my computer monitor, trying to avoid being impaled by one of the little monster's deadly air raids. The time before that he cut up tiny pieces of paper and made confetti out of it, leaving me to pick up the paper for the next 2 days. Today he has found himself a broom handle in the dumpster out back. He has fashioned it into a spear of some sort with packing tape and a ball point pen. Now, after the airplane incident I am starting to think this isn't a good idea, but I ignore him and continue on with my dailey tasks. He then informs me that the radio station I am listening to is horrible. I looked him in the eye and asked him "Did I ask for your opinion?" He backed off that for now, but I can hear him mumbling something about loving Metallica, and wanting to be able to listen to what he wants. It's now 2:00pm. I STILL haven't eaten anything yet, because if I get something I will have to get something for him, and J. Boss isn't so timely with his reimbursements. After all J. Boss JR. Just ate half a candy jar of Hershey Kisses, that I just filled up for the week. I don't get paid enough to Babysit!!!!!!

It's TOO Early For This.

Mondays are always very busy for me. By noon I am ready to rip parts of my hair out, and/or commit homicide on the shippers that move with us, or my crew. I usually get to work a little bit earlier than my crew so I can get things done before they come in and start asking randomly dumb questions about today's impending job. Mind you, said job has been on the calendar for no less than three weeks. Today even though I got here at 7:00 am, one of my crew was already here. Pinball had gotten here early, got a weight on the truck and was on his way back to the office when I arrived. I almost peed myself with delight, but I was able to control myself. It's a good thing too because my case of "Urine Be Gone" hasn't arrived yet!

Then it's off to the answering machine to listen to the people who have either called during the day Friday (because I never stay the entire day on Friday). Or it's those people who just can't seem to find time during the week to call me, so they wait until Saturday or Sunday. As I weed through the people who don't have a clue that they may actually need to book a move more than 15 minutes before they need to move (To those people I laugh at you. You poor silly bastards... You WILL NOT be moving with us. ) I hear that my future boss has called while I was out on Friday. OOOPS! That's prolly not a good thing huh? Oh well I will just tell him my current boss told me to go home. He knows "J. Boss"(current boss) is an idiot, so he will buy it!

The next thing I do is make sure all the paperwork for the drivers is ready for them. I have to remind them about 25 times before they actually leave to take all the cartons they need for the job. It never fails, they always forget a wardrobe box or 9, and the shipper is forced to call and yell at me. YAY! Cause it's MY fault my crew is retarded? I am also responsible for getting my bosses paperwork ready for the day. I have no idea why I do this. I know he will call me 15 minutes before his first scheduled appointment and tell me he has some huge Real Estate deal going(This really means he is taking his kids to the lake for some wake boarding) forcing me to call the client and reschedule. This always makes me cheerful to call someone who is expecting J. Boss at their house and tell him that he can't make it.

Then the phone starts. It's 7 FREAKIN AM! Why are you calling here that early? I never answer the phone before 8:00 am so random shipper 0_1 can just talk to the answering machine, while I laugh at them for waiting till the last minute to try and book a move. This time I answered early. My first shipper is someone we moved back in June. She skips trying to talk to me about her complaint, and asked to talk directly To "J. Boss". I give her the usual speech.

Shipper: I need to speak to J. Boss right away!

Debi: It's rather early for J. Boss to be in it's only 7:15 here in California (She is in Texas) so he's not here, can I help you or take a message?

Shipper: well , ok. Just tell him to call "Texas Shipper"(as we will call her).

Debi: Are you sure there isn't something I can help you with "Texas Shipper"? I am the operations manager here, and honestly he won't be in for a while.

I tell her this EVERY TIME she calls!!

Shipper: (long pause) Well ok there was some damage during my move to Texas( I know you are shocked at this) and I need him to handle this.

Debi: Well Texas Shipper, as I have told you before this office does not handle claims on a move out of California, you have to call our corporate office, and start a claim with them.

Shipper: (irritated sigh) Well J. Boss came out and gave me my estimate.

At this point I want to choke her. I have two other lines ringing, and I have explained this to her like 15 times now.

Debi: Yes I know he does all of our estimates, but that is ALL he does. You have to call this 1-800 number.

Shipper: OK I will try that, but I didn't like my driver either. Can you fire him? He wasn't very nice, and he damaged my things.

Now understand this driver is contracted by my Van Line. I don''t employ him. I have no idea who he even is...But I needed to get rid of her so ya know I told her what she wanted to here.

Debi: Oh yes ma'am. I was meaning to fire him today anyway, now I have a reason. He smells bad, and didn't give me a good Christmas present so ya know...He is gone!


I figure what's J.Boss gonna do? Fire me and run his own company? He'd have to come in off the lake to do that...I'm not worried!

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Cute Guy Derails

It's been a while since I have talked about Cute Guy, so I thought I would post a brief update. I did talk to him last Friday night. I was out at the bar singing karaoke with Jen B. when my cell rang. Of course who else would be calling me at 10:30 on a Friday night, but CG. I talked to him briefly only to find out he was working. He had driven yet another train down to Long Beach and wouldn't be home until maybe Sunday. I had friends inside so I made the convo brief. I asked him if he wanted me to call him when I got home and he said he would be in bed. I was still planning on calling him to REPAY him for all those nights when he woke me up to tell me he was bored. I never got the chance. On the way home he called me again! I was not the least bit amused to find out the reason he was calling is because he was watching "TR*Y again, and felt it was uber important to tell me all about it. I thankfully lost service in the mountains and didn't have to hear anymore of that. When I got home I tried to call him but he didn't answer, so I can only assume he went to bed.

That was pretty much the last I have heard from him. Maybe his train derailed and he can't reach a phone or something? Maybe he just ran out of things to say about himself and the movie TR*Y? Who's not like I was picking out china patterns or anything.

My Road Trip Partner in Crime

There are few things I enjoy more than shopping. It's not just about going out and buying stuff, because I can do that at the grocery store if I wanted. It's all about the "Road Trip". Jen B. and I can't just get in the car and go buy a pair of shoes or another purse. We make an entire event out of it. You see that's how we became friends really. Our mutual love for shopping.

It was about two years(or maybe more...I dunno I was drunk) that we met. She was at a local Karaoke bar that I frequented. She was there with a friend of hers that looked a lot like Howdy Doody. I had previously met this guy on line and befriended him so when my boyfriend at the time (We shall call him convict) and I walked in, I was surprised to see him there. He introduced me to this rather tall scary gal, with a spiked collar on. I am all of 5'6". Very feminine, and I don't KNOW people that wear spikes so I was sacred. She and I talked more a little bit and realized we had mutual gay friends in common. That made me change my opinion of her from "scary Goth Chick to "Fag Hag". I'm not sure if that was much better. As the night went on I proceeded to drink a few more drinks. (I know you are shocked at this) and we started to hit it off. I wasn't scared of her anymore, until she sang "I touch myself" and got down on her knees and sang it to me. Then my opinion went from "Fag Hag" to "Lesbian". I mean why else would she be hanging out with a guy who looks like Howdy Doody? We exchanged numbers and promised to call each other when we were going to be doing karaoke, but she never called me. She says she did, but I think she through away my number.

Months went by and we started seeing her frequent the bar more often. I already had a regular posse that I ran with, but invited her to sit with us anyway. She quickly became one of the gang. She was still a little bit scary and always dressed kind of on the funky side, so I quickly dubbed her "The Kewl Funky Friend".

One weekend I decided to take off out of town on a mini road trip. I was planning on staying with my "sister" Jenne and her family at "The Pet Menagerie" as I like to call it. I love my sister and her family, and she of course can live however she wants, so I mean this in the nicest of ways. She has too many damn pets. I am admittedly NOT a pet person to begin with so to me, 2 is too many. She has a huge dog named Doc. He is a lab or something and truly belongs outside. He has a little problem with gas, as in he is ALWAYS farting. That wouldn't be so bad, cause I mean he's a dog what does he know right? why does he have to come right up in my face to do it though? Then there is dog number 2. Minnie, she is a wiener dog and cute, if you are into yappy, underfoot wiener dogs, which I am not. Then there is cat number one Boo boo. I am more of a cat person but these cats are huge, it's like they were bred with ponies or something. One of the cats I dunno if its Bob or booboo, cause I can never get which one is which weighs so much when he lays on you, you can't breath. Now it's winter time when I make my journey so it's cold out and the house is closed up, so my nose was stuffy, and my eyes were runny. What a sight to behold.

I asked Jen B if she wanted to tag along and she jumped at the chance. I forgot to mention the pets to her. That probably wouldn't have been so bad but I talked all the way to Fresno, and I am sure she was ready to muzzle me by the end of the trip. We went out, and saw a band had some drinks, and drove back to Jenne's house. I think I may have run over a cop that was standing in the middle of the road but I can't be sure as I was drunk and didn't see him until it was too late. When I looked in my rearview mirror he wasn't there, so I drove faster to Jenne's. I may have actually hallucinated all of that, but Jen B. Swears it's true. The next day we went shopping for HOURS at the local malls, bought new purses, and hats, and decided to stay for another night. We ended up going out to sing that night at the only place we could find with karaoke. It was a tiny little hick bar in the middle of nowhere. We walked in all dressed up, and here we were in this grungy, stinky COUNTRY bar. I don't think Jen B. Knew even one country song she could sing, so I wasn't sure we would stay very long. It's one of those places where everyone looks at you when you walk in, and I swear one guy growled at us. It may have been the fact that Jen B. Was wearing a wife beater and a hot pink trucker hat that says "Mullets Get Chicks" but I can't really know for sure. She sang and they thought she was great with her non-country song so when I got up there I thought I was going to be safe with one of my fabulous country numbers. I was wrong. They just looked at me kind of funny. We quickly gathered our things and left before the lynching started. Only to return to The Pet Menagerie, for night number two if Doc the farting wonder dog. The company was good though, and Jen B, and Jenne seemed bond their mutual love of The Food Network.

The next day we left because our butts were feeling rather greasy from the long weekend, and I swear I coughed up a hair ball on the way home. We did have a lot of laughs and I think that is when we decided we would start taking a lot more road trips together. We have been hitting shopping malls, karaoke bars, and fabulous restaurants all over the state ever since. When I started hanging out with Jen B. I had to promise her a couple of things.

1. I will never buy a "backpack purse" again.
2. I will never wear over-alls, for any reason, not at home, or out of the house.
3. I will always wear a bra.
4. NO Dry humping EVER!
5. No more dating convicts, or men who's names start with the letter T

All in all I think it' a fair trade, as I now have the other have to my Thelma & Louise fantasy.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

My Confession

I didn't post yesterday because I wanted to make sure I got this right. You see I have a confession to make. I have had a deep dark secret for the last 3 years now.

I secretly desire my friend's husband. His name is David and he is perfect, well except for the fact that he is married to my friend.

David Dresses well thanks to Tisha. That is important to me. How many times have you been out with a guy and they show up wearing something that looks like they picked it up off the floor, sprayed it with Fabreeze, and Downey's wrinkle reducer? Well I have, in fact I watched "Roxie's daddy" do it. Not only was I horrified, but I made him change. David never breaks this rule, and therefore is perfect.

David is tall. How many times have you been in a bar wearing heels, and standing up, when a vertically challenged man walks up, looks up to you and asks you to dance? Your only recourse is to suddenly make up the excuse that you were just about to pee, and run away. This would never happen with David, therefore he is perfect.

David really knows how to clean up. OK there was that ONE...Little incident with the dishwasher overflowing dish soap into the kitchen...Ok it was like three times, but you know CLEAN MEN ROCK. David likes to use lots of soap, therefore he is perfect.

David is really kind of quite unless given a rainbow of drinks in one night. I am pretty chatty, and I like to be the center of attention, so I need a man who knows when to shut the hell up and let me be the princezz that I am. David let's Tisha be a Diva all the time, therefore he is perfect.
David has a nice ass. OK so I really have a thing for guys with
A) A nice ass

B) Great Teeth
C) sexy eyes

David has a nice ass, therefore is perfect.

David is a gamer, aka geek. I have a thing for geeks who know what it means when I say " OMG I can't believe I just raided for 15 hours, and still didn't get an uber drop off that lame mob. We were pwned!" David knows what that means, therefore is perfect.

David is southern. I have such a thing for men with manners, say "fixin" when they aren't fixing anything, and call me darlin'. David says fixin, therefore he is perfect. OK David, I said it...I want you.

OK This post was all in fun so no one flame me. Unless they clone David, and I get a Dave-bot, you don't have to worry he is happily married to Diva of Diva's Den.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Why Oh WHY Cute Guy!?

It happened...He called. So for those of you who bet he could only hold out on torturing me for one day, your prize is in the mail! YAY!

Iceprincezz: It hasn't been 4 days yet...
CG: I know, but I am weak in my old age.
Iceprincezz: Now I am going to have to blog again tonight.
CG: You blogged about me again?
Iceprincezz: Well yes, because you didn't call me...
CG: I didn't?
Iceprincezz: NO you didn't so um, I dunno who you called but it wasn't me, and you should have known that because they weren't as witty and charming as me...

CG: Um I dunno who or what I did last night

The room spins again, just like it did when I talked to him about that movie TR*Y (I shall refer to it as a dirty word from now on). I started thinking why is he telling me this? Gosh my back yard needs to be raked. So I start raking my back yard while I talk to him.

CG: ...and you see we drank a LOT no I mean A LOT! The only reason I know this is because I have a receipt in my pocket for $421.00. I didn't have any fun last night either, cause I woke up in my clothes. I was just making the rounds calling everyone to see if I called them last night.

(Cause I wanna know that there was a chance he could have "had some fun"?)

Iceprincezz: UH Huh
CG: I am pretty hung over, I have been throwing up non stop today.
Iceprincezz: Poor Baby....
CG: I threw up Orange Gaterade and blue Gaterade, and it came up clear.

Random Thought: WHY does he think I want to know that?

Iceprincezz: You know I am going to blog this entire conversation don't you?
CG: Are you?

He goes on to talk about random things, like throwing peanuts at the waitress, how he has to crawl to get to the bathroom because "He knows how gravity works", and things like that. I finally just give into the urge I have had for the last 3 days and say...

Iceprincezz: Why do I continue talking to you?
CG: Cause I am a challenge? Because I intrigue you? Because I am a mystery and you like that?

Damn this blog, and Damn me for ever letting him read it...Even though he left out the part about me wanting him to kiss me again....

Iceprincezz: That may or may not be true....But why do you call me?! (This question has never been answered)
CG: I dunno...

At this point the room doesn't spin, well maybe because I am still in my backyard...But that's not the point here. Instead I just sat there listening to him ramble on about...What else? That's right blogaholics....You guessed it...HIMSELF!

There is something about this moron that intrigues me. Maybe it's the fact that he doesn't call me every day? (Why doesn't he? I'm worth it dammit!) maybe it's because he has an over inflated sense of self worth? No...wait...that's me...Well anyway I have no idea why I continue to talk to him.

Maybe it's the thought that someday JUST maybe if I played my cards right I could wear that cute little train engineers cap!

Southern Diva of The Year

About 6 years ago I was living in a place I hated. I had just ended yet another bad relationship, and I was pretty much miserable. I didn't want to go out to sing yet for fear of running into the ex but I was a Diva with a NEED to sing. A friend had told me about this nifty little place on line called MPlayer. I said what the heck and signed up. I started going into these really weird little chat rooms and singing with other people over a computer Mic. Not exactly what I was used to, but it got me my fix.

It was a Saturday afternoon. I was bored and none of my usual friends were on so I was surfing around to different rooms. I popped in to this one room where someone with the screen name "BuxomDiva" was singing. I was immediately impressed, because she was good. TOO good, she was better then me...How could this happen? I hated her! She was vulgar, mouthy, and way too talented. She had this THICK southern accent and I swear to you I thought she was a big o southern black girl from the way she talked. (she isn't by the way) We ended up having a lot of fun that day in that chat room. She used to run her own "singing room" called "Diva's Den" that she invited me to later that evening. I was thrilled that someone THAT talented would want me to join their little club...So I did. We ended up running that place. If she wasn't in The Ice Palace(which was my room at the time) I was in Diva's Den. That continued on for about a month until I moved to where I live now. Then it got seriously addicting. We would stay up all night long singing with friends, and asking people what kind of pickles they liked. By the way....Sweet, Dill or are you BI-Pickle? We even had a theme song that we played when we booted overly obnoxious people out of our rooms. This was an awesome time for me...So how could I have known it was going to get even better?

Now you see BD(short for BuxomDiva) was a TRUE southern bell. She was about to be married in a couple of months and decided she MUST have me at her wedding. I thought this was a fabulous idea, even though I had never met this woman, and thought she was totally insane. I was much braver in my youth. Unfortunately I didn't have a job yet, and couldn't afford it. She offered to fly me out to Mississippi, so I went. When I got off the plane, my fears were realized. She was wearing all black, black Pat Benetar make-up, and all these tiny little black clippies in her black hair and standing with a skinny guy from MPlayer that looked like Kid Rock.I was scared When she lead me to the bar I was so relieved. After a couple of drinks there I was ready for the rest of the trip. We ended up doing a lot of partying in N'awlins, and ended up drunk. (imagine that) The next day I woke up with the biggest cold sore I had ever seen on my lip. It was terrible! It had a face on it, and when I looked at it in the mirror I swear it snickered and mocked me. I spent the rest of the week trying to cover up Herman...That's what I named it...With coverup and lipstick to no avail. We ended up hanging out with undercover cops, security guards, random guys in the bar, and eating at a lot of buffets. Somehow BD ended up getting married, and a few months later realized that her hubby was a moron, (Hello!? Any man that eats Cheerioes while sitting on the toilet is a moron!) and that ended that. That trip to Mississippi was so much fun, but I still have a hang over! I have been back out to see her one other time, when she and her new husband flew me out, and that was even better than the first time...I still laugh when I add soap to my dishwasher. Both trips I ended up in hand cuffs though. (insert innocent look here) I'd love to elaborate but she would murder me.

A lot has changed in our lives now. She is remarried to a wonderful man, who thinks she is the best thing since corn bread. (I tend to agree with him) BUT I am still searching for Prince Charming. She was a big o' hoochie mama (well ok we both were)...and now she is a wonderful mom, wife, and friend. She's a God Fearing, Jesus freak...and I think I love that most about her. She has been there for me in the middle of the night when I was crying about random guy 0_1 that broke my heart. She has been there for me in the middle of the day when I bored at work and need a giggle. She is even there for me, when I don't think I need her. She makes the best squash, and sangria. She is a true friend who loves me no matter how crazy I get. Now if only I could get her to California....

Wait...maybe that's not such a good idea, then everyone at "Thursday night Ego Boost" would think she was better than me!

Oh well, I'm willing to risk it.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Will I hear from "Cute Guy" in 4 days?

I feel like I would letting you down if I didn't post an update on "cute guy". Last night he did call when he got into town. OK, so I was asleep, snoring, enjoy the puddle of drool I had made on my pillow, but the fact remains he DID call. Riddle me this... WHY DID HE CALL? It was like all the conversations before. He told be about getting home, taking off his work boots, and turning on his TV. At least he didn't inform me of his boredom issues. Although right about that time I could have informed him of mine. He then questioned me about my blog, since he decided to read it...Out loud...To all of his train friends. (insert confused look here) Random Thought: Do you think they think he is funny? Then, in reference to my blog said "I don't get it" Well duh "cute guy"! That's obvious that you don't get it, because if you did I wouldn't be ranting about you now would I? I sighed and said nevermind it's futile, a moot point, just nevermind. Then he was babbling about something, and it quite possibly could have been something rather important, but I am not really sure what he was talking about. You see I asked what he was watching and he said the movie "Troy".

I would like to stop right here and say to you, I am sorry if you, in any way, enjoyed that movie because I will probably offend you right about now.

I hated that movie. That's three hours of my life I can never get back. I never wanna see Brad Pitt in a pleather mini skirt again. I never wanna see Orlando Bloom act like a complete blubbering pussy again. I never wanna see Brad Pitt try and act again. It was terrible, horrible and I shall go to my grave thinking that could quite possibly be the worst movie ever made...and "cute guy" LOVES it...Not just LOVES it....But loves it enough to own it. Not only that but when I explain to him the reasons I mentioned above, he goes on to defend this terrible rotten movie. I sat in silence, clutching my 300 thread count sheets to my body. I could feel the room start to spin. I knew if I just tuned him out I would be ok, and the nightmares about TROY wouldn't come back again. I was devastated. Perhaps I need to wear a T-Shirt that says "If you liked the movie TROY...I can't date you, as you are a moron" I didn't sleep very well last night...coincidence? Maybe...Maybe Not.

He claims to be going out of town for some train say THAT outloud, and says he will call. I don't think he will. I think on or about day number 4 he will call, just to tell me about train training, what he had for dinner, and the color of his truck. Shall we take bets on when he will call next?

Ode to a "Sister"

Since today is Jenne's Birthday (yes ok so I know a lot of Jen's) and she claims to be blogworthy this post shall remain all about her.

I met Jenne a million years ago, or so it seems. I was living in beautiful Fresno, Ca. That was sarcasm for those of you who haven't been there. My boyfriend at the time got me started on a local BBS called Club Fresno. IT was all downhill from there. You see the patrons of Club Fresno were all strange to me. One called himself "spock" and stared at my boobs anytime I was around. One called him self "Gen Gap drummer" and yes even though he was a drummer, he was also a terribly disgusting little troll of a man that eventually turned up in my life much later to my dismay (more on THAT later). There were a lot of really good people too like "Cat Tamer" who was a 30 something year old man living like he was 12, and addicted to caffeine. Then there was "sweet one". I met her at Spock's house. She was in her early 30's, and everything about her screamed "freako hippie". I took one look at her and thought...What a loon. Of course she took one look at me and thought I was like a snobby Cheerleader in high school. (Thank you!) She was sporting the ever-fashionable T-shirt with a gianormous Siamese cat face on it, shorts and flip flops. She had her hair in these little braids down the front like a first grader. I still mock her braids to this day. We didn't talk much that day but our daughters seemed to have gotten along well. It was only natural that when my daughter's birthday came up I invited some friends from Club Fresno, and their kids. The only girls that I had met from CF were lesbians(and the really butch looking ones) so I invited them. Jenne was one of the attendants. My mom thought she was a lesbian, because everyone else there was obviously one, and that's how my mom thinks. The funny thing is...She was Bi-sexual, but of course I didn't know that yet so I denied it.

Some how we ended up hanging out more and more. Then she invited me on a road trip to Reno. I was scared. I thought she was going to go all "lesbian" on me when we went to sleep that night. She didn't. Instead we had an awesome time. That was the first time we had one of our "food adventures" We ate at the all you can eat seafood buffet. It was so good, and the first time I had eaten Lobster that I actually liked. That was the beginning of many future "food moments" we would share.

Now we have something else in common. I used to follow this band. It was a local cover band and the lead singer was also the drummer. He wasn't really all that attractive, he was short, and he was a total player. However, he had some magical power over women. I didn't understand that. I thought he was a complete jack-ass, until one day he kissed me. That was it. I was under his "spell". I started dragging Jenne out with me to go dancing when ever the band was playing. We had so much fun, and the three of us all partied together one night in a mobile home that included wine coolers, and the soundtrack from "Purple Rain". Her husband(he wasn't her husband then) swears that something happened between Jenne and the drummer, however to this day I can honestly say nothing happened between them...Maybe she and I....But not them! (insert Innocent look here)

When I met a man online and moved to Ohio, she was the one that took me to the airport. She was there when I had my second child. In fact she helped me pick out his name. She has been there when I lost jobs, boyfriends, cars, family, friends, and weight(which I gained all back). She is more than a friend to me. She is my sister. She is one of the strongest people I know, and I love her with all of my heart...Even though she is addicted to QVC & Cambria, Ca. So today Jenne I dedicate this blog Entry to you.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

And Yet Again...

Now normally this would make me wanna wet myself with glee, but I know that he is just trying to torment me, and he starts of the conversation with "I'm Bored!" Hello!? McFly? NO woman wants to hear the reason you called her is because you are BORED! Try something a little more flattering like oh I dunno...I actually like talking to you? You have great boobs! (By the way I do) or how about cause I think you are nifty? Anything but bored.

So guess what? He's on his way home. Great! Yay! Throw a party, buy a cake. I don't care! I mean that's great for you and all that you can be bored at home with your porn and bottle of KY (cause he apparently likes CHEAP lube)...But this does NOTHING for me. He won't call me when he gets home. He won't wanna see me when he gets home. He'll just wait until he's out of town again. Then when he has waited the appropriate 4 days, so as not to make me think he might actually LIKE me, he will call. The conversation will be something that involves A) trains B) Paramedic and/or CDF C)Hot wings and scooting your rear on the ground like a dog D) All of the above. Then classy "Cute guy" will do something sexy like burp in my ear. He wonders why he doesn't have to beat the women off with a stick, and he has to beat nevermind....It could be any or all of the aforementioned reasons.

I'm sure he'll call before the evening is out to tell me that ran over a raccoon on the freeway or something fascinating like that. I will be excited to see his damn name on my damn cell phone and even though I should scream at him, and tell him that he's not even the right kind of guy for me cause I am looking for someone that I may actually see once a week...I won't. Why? WHY?! Because eHarmony costs too much money to match me with idiots that hate everything about me.....and "cute guy" doesn't...and it's free.

"Cute Guy" Calls again

So as I was entering my latest blog entry "cute guy" called again. Again I was guardedly excited, but played it cool.

This time "cute guy" was out of town. You see he's a train engineer and he goes out of town more than he's actually in town. He said there was a train de-railment and he was hoping he would be deadheaded home. Secrectly I was hoping he would be too at the slight chance I could see him again.

Then he said the army had recalled him and he was going to have to go through all this retraining, and testing in order to possibly be deployed to the middle east. My comment was "oh goody! We can be pen pals", but I was thinking "geez you didn't have to make up a story like that to get rid of me, just tell me you don't wanna see me" Then it dawned on me that it hadn't even been 4 days since his last phone call. Why was he calling me again? Dammit why do I care? I don't even like him. He's self centered, mouthy, cocky, and makes me insane. He thinks he has some magical power over me. He admits he's an asshole and claims that some day I will call him "Mr. Asshole". THAT will never happen! I don't have the name "Iceprincezz" because I like to ice skate. I have it because *I* am cocky, mouthy, opinionated, snobby, and I think I am a princess. So how does a guy like this get to me...I think I am going to have to kill him

"Cute guy" Calls

I haven't written in a while because I had so much that was blog worthy that I couldn't decide what to write. Then it happened. My cell phone rang. I was sitting there innocently contemplating if that girl on "what not to wear" is really serious about the pleated mini skirt and chunky shoes or not, when he called. When I finally found my cell phone, I looked down and it said "cute guy" (well that's not his name but that's how this blog mistress will refer to him from now on). I was confused. Just two days ago I was telling Jen that I hadn't heard from "cute guy", although we usually refer to him as "Choo Choo Train Boy" and that was that. I mean he's wicked sexy to me, and has great teeth, but I honestly didn't think he was the least bit interested in me, since he hadn't called but one time since we met. I chalked it up to him being just another typical guy, added him to the pink book that Jen and I keep, and wrote him off. So you can only imagine my excitement to see his name on my cell phone.

You see the day after we met he lost some friends in a helicopter accident, and he left the area to go to some funerals. He didn't let me know this until 4 days later of course. He said he'd call me when he got back into town in a couple of days. I waited....It's not like I changed my life in any way while I waited, but I did call my phone from work to make sure it was still working. By day 4 I had given up...

I was cool though. I answered as if I didn't care at all. I asked him if he was on a train somewhere, and he replied with "no I just got home". Now I typically date men that live 6 hours away because I can't stand men constantly being around saying random dumb things all the time, and all the local guys are married, gay or I have dated them. "Cute Guy" lives dangerously too close to me. He lives within a few blocks of me. To most people this would be great. To me it's a little on the scary side. So knowing that he was a few blocks from me turned me into a babbling idiot. I could not for the life of me think of anything witty or charming to say, so I just let him talk. I think talking about himself is his favorite thing so he took it and ran with it. I'm thinking now for you the reader that was a good thing, as now I have some really good blog material. However, for me it brought blinding pain behind my left eye.

We started talking about the funerals and death. That wasn't bad until he referred to his former friends that had died as "worm food". When I became horrified at this(as any NORMAL person would) he explained it away as becoming hardened by seeing death and the likes every day at his former job as a paramedic. Random Thought: I wonder if he likes to play Doctor? Now I promptly changed the subject as I was not ready to debate him on this subject. He asked me if I thought he was a lover or a fighter? Judging strictly on looks I would say fighter as he sort of gives off this "bad boy" vibe. I didn't get that idea when I met him though so I said Lover. He laughed and said "no, you are wrong. I love to fight" That horrifies me for oh so many reasons. One of which is the abuse I suffered at the hands of a previous boyfriend. I wanted to make sure I didn't misunderstand him so I said physically or mentally? He said both but I have an idea he would prefer to mess with someone's head more than beat them to a pulp.

The conversation went on like this for a while longer, while he was at the car wash getting his truck washed. Which by the way I still do not know what color it is. Everything was going along fine, until I asked him why he calls me. I mean he hasn't asked to see me since our first make-out session on my birthday. He doesn't call but every 4 days. He's really into himself, he's not looking for any kind of relationship(that I can tell), he likes to banter about random things just to get me all nuts, he doesn't know a single thing about me, or even ask...It's like he just wants to talk about himself. Random thought: He needs his own blog! Yet *I* cannot stop thinking about him. I know I should run far far far far away from "cute guy" even if he is a fabulous kisser, but he intrigues me. I want to know more about him. I want to see him again. I want him to call me. I want to kiss him again. I want to choke him for making me feel like an idiot. The worst part about all of this is....He loves every minute of driving me insane.

He never did answer that question about why he calls me...

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Thursday Night Ego Boost

Thursday nights are always spent the same way every week. NO, I do not mean watching that completely retarded television show "Friends". ...

Karaoke of course! My friend Jen B. and, her sister Angie (aka lesbiana-she is not gay, well she might be, but that is another topic completely) used to always go to this bar called Harry's Nightclub. They invited me one night and the rest is history. It's not really a nightclub though. It's more like a beach bar with a few regulars and a lot of snotty people who go there to get drunk and hook up with one another. I don't fall into either of these categories though. I belong to a cult. It's not a bad cult really. We don’t harm anyone, unless of course you consider blatantly making fun of the bad singers "harmful". It's not even really a cult. We don't dress alike, we don't shave our heads, and we don't worship any kind of alien life form, or date Katie Holmes. We just sing. To Jen and me it's more than just going out, having a good time and just singing though. It's a show, a performance, and it's all about fame.

It all starts with me trying to get out of work early so I have more time to shop and get ready. If I achieve this task, I then hit a local retail store for yet another purse or fabulous accessory that I could not have before today, lived without. From there I go home and try on everything in my closet knowing full well that I am going to end up wearing the first outfit I tried on. A little bit of paint, and hair product and I am ready to go. The ride down to Harry's is usually filled with Jen texting Craig over and over about something his cat did, while I chatter on and on about something that the crew did. The scales of the accomplishments are just about equal. When we arrive, there is the usual greeting of the host, and possibly his girlfriend who will gush about our shoes. We sit in the same spot each week. It's a well planned out spot. It's close to where you stand to sing, yet not too close to the speakers. It easily accessible for men, yet secluded enough we don't actually have to make eye contact with anyone if we so choose. We agonize over what we will sing first, because if it's too good than we have peaked too early, but if it's bad people will automatically think you suck. The night pretty much continues on that same course unless something magical happens, like one or both of us trying a new song and it really sounding great on the first run through. (This has happened only twice in my lifetime) Now for some reason even, though Jen & I are scantly clad, and the best singers in the room, men rarely approach us. I have a theory that they either think we are lesbians, or they are intimidated by our talents. I am hoping it is the later of the two choices. We have a lot of male friends, but sadly, they are not what we would call "dateable".

Let's just explore why these men fall into the non-dateable area, shall we?

Randy: Aka "Wrestler Randy" Randy is a perfectly nice man, and would move Heaven and Earth for me. However, he is short (we have previously talked about my aversion to midgets), dresses badly, has bad hair, has bad teeth, and sings funny. I left out the most important part. One day Jen & "lesbiana" saw Randy jogging down the road. That's great that he cares about his health and wants to get out and enjoy the sunshine and all, but did he have to dress in one of those little wrestling "onesies"? You know the one piece, spandex jumpsuit slash short set type thing that men on wrestling teams wear? If only I had been able to see that for myself.

Wayne: Wayne would be a good catch, for someone else. He's nice once you get past the cocky exterior that he throws in everyone's face. He's kinda cute too, until he opens his mouth.

Tim: Aka "Baby Powder" Tim is sexy for a short guy (see above), but I think he only dates skinny women with large eyes, that can't dance. He wears this cologne that smells like baby powder, which lingers on everything for days afterwards.

Jen and I will probably wrap up the night by singing something fabulous. People will comment on how amazing we are, and ask us why we aren't on American Idol. We will have to pretend to be flattered and shocked that people want to hear us sing, and go home knowing that for one brief shining moment we were great.

Because tomorrow...I will feel like crap.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Is eHarmony Really That Harmonious?

I signed up for eHarmony yesterday. I know it's completely silly, and way overpriced, but I had a "special promo code" in my e-mail that got me 3 months for the price of one. How can anyone pass that up? Well ok, so I thought I would try something new. I signed up, took all their endless personality tests, and posted the best pictures I could find of me. I spose I should have posted the "pork-n-beans" picture, but I was at work when I was setting this all up. (insert innocent look here)

So I get all of these matches sent to me. I check them out excited at the possibility that one of these men "may be the one" according to the commercials on TV. I am disappointed to find out that eHarmony apparently thinks my perfect match is a midget. I'm not THAT picky when it comes to dating these days. However, I do require the men I date to be at least my height. Honestly I would prefer they be at least 6' tall, but I'd settle for 5'9" if I had to. When I am in heels I like to look up at the man I am kissing not down. Is that so much to ask eHarmony? IS IT?! I think not! After weeding out the plethora of vertically challenged men, I finally find one that may work. I go through the first step. This is where "Anthony" and I are introduced to one another. I can have a tiny bit of info about him, yet he has selected that his pictures not be seen until further into the communication stages. That's ok, I am not THAT shallow. The next stage is the communication stage. That is where you both get the joy of answering 5 closed ended questions that are multiple choice. I answered his, he answered mine, and so far so good. The next section in communication is the must haves/cant stands. I list mine, and he lists his. I am reading through his and notice that he can't stand overweight people. Now I don't weigh 400lbs, and live in Hawaiian print dresses and eat bon bons all day, but I am slightly overweight. I may be "fluffy" as the kindergarten crew from work calls me, but I am still really sexy, and I have a lot to offer someone. A male friend of mine recently told me I am the whole package and a man would be crazy not to want to go out with me. It's too bad I am not attracted to that friend...So now as I sit here writing this I wonder, do I close the "match"? Should I let him get to the rest of the stages and then meet me and see that I may be a great person? Will I always have that doubt in my head that he thinks I am sexy since he "can't stand overweight people"? I personally think I should close the match on the sole basis that he "can't stand mean people". I believe I can fall into that category when provoked...And so far I haven't even talked to this "match" and I am feeling rather provoked to be mean to him.

So far every man I have met on the internet has been a complete jerk. I would rather meet a guy in a bar and give him my number, to never have him call. I mean you expect it...But after endless hours of typing and getting to know someone, going out and having a great time why does a man just suddenly fall off the planet? If we aren't a good match in your opinion fine, then just say so it's not like I am going to drive off a cliff with a note pinned to my chest that it was all your fault for deciding I wasn't your type after one date. Man up, have some integrity and just make a quick phone call. I promise it won't hurt.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Operations manager or Kindergarten teacher YOU decide...

I am an operations manager for a local/long distance moving company. That means I do everything BUT the move. I answer phones, do the book keeping, do all the paperwork(and there is a lot to do at a moving company), handle the claims, and general customer resolution. I would usually say customer service, but with the crew I am running these days it's more about resolution that service. You see it all started about 9 months ago...How many times has a story started like that?....I was gainfully running my own e-Bay business, and having a grand ole time, but needed something more stable as my business partner was a freaky hippy flake who thought he was really funny when he spoke. (He was not) I had submitted a few resumes, and after a few days of turning down offer after offer to interview(HEY! A girl needs her beauty sleep!!!) I finally went to one. I ended up walking into this office with an enormous desk in it...Well at least there looked to be a desk under the huge stack of papers my future boss had his feet propped up on. That should have been a clue that something was wrong, but he was cute, and I needed to go shopping soon so I needed a job. There he was dressed in some khaki shorts and a polo shirt, feet propped up on a desk, answering phones like a madman. I knew right then I could get this one. When he finished his phone conversation I said "Are you ready for me?!" That was all it took. I ended up accepting a position as operations manager for a moving company that had previously been run nearly out of business by the previous OM. Later I would find out that the previous dip-shit OM had dated my best friend(and room mate at the time) Jen B. I started the next day. I had no idea just how bad off this company was, but I was soon to find out. They were over $100,000 in debt, They had no workmen's comp insurance, Claims had not been handled for 7 months prior to my arrival, nothing had been filed, we had lost most of our licenses, and our main driver wasn't even licensed to drive the rig he owned. I now understand why the previous guy had bottle of booze in his desk drawer. I started trying to figure out how a box of wine would fit in my drawer undetected, to no avail. After thought: Maybe I just didn't try hard enough.

After months of this torture I finally got everything in order with the funds I had to work with. My day would run smoother if only I had a crew that didn't act as if they were 2 years old.

"Pinball": Nice enough guy, would be almost cute if he didn't open his mouth, oh yeah...And if he had TEETH!

"Roonie": Nice, has way too many kids for his age, smokes way too much pot which leads to him being well.....Not all that smart

"Tonga": Now I love this guy, he's funny as heck and we have been drunk as skunks together. However, he gets into a fight with everyone, and is always running his mouth to our shippers...Not a good plan...He's like an unruly ADHD child without meds.

"Terry": Not much to say here, he's slow, and slow....and um S L O W.

"Christina": Chris is a really nice guy, one of our newbies, and tries really hard, but is also slow as molasses in January up hill in the snow.

I used to have Alan, but he left because everything was just crazy and he was tired of all the drama...I don't blame him...But it makes me sad. I had such a crush on him. *swoon*

Then there was Madison, he was the bosses brother. Nice enough guy when I don't have to work with him, but he talked to much crap about me behind my back that well it makes me feel like yeah know his skin condition deserves it's own blog article it was so gross. I'm not bitter though.

So there ya have it, my crew. None of which have a class B license to drive the trucks, half of them don't know what they are doing, and the other half have trouble spelling "Materials". I know it's that silent um......Wait there is no silent letter in materials....nevermind they are all just dumb. Every morning it's like "story-time" I have to slowly explain what they are doing that day, and why, and then when I am done it's "question & Answer time" where they ask me questions that have nothing to do with the job, like " What day is it?". Sometimes I just sit at my desk thinking if I just be real quiet they won't know I am there, and they will go away. That never works, by the way.

By the end of the day I am ready to just cry at all the stupidity, that runs ramped with my crews, but I wouldn't wanna be doing anything else. Aside from it being total comedy everyday...Well except for the day when Alan drove his rig down a grade into a Toyota Tacoma, while Tony exclaimed "ALAN!? Is this what is spose to be happening?!"...I mean that day I crawled under my desk and cried...I love my job. Where else can I get paid good money to sit around all day laughing at stupid men while playing with my slinkey(tm)?

Monday, July 04, 2005

Being Single in a Couple world...

Everywhere I went today I saw happy little couples, which inspired this posting....

Today I took my kids to the local 4th of July parade, and it was a nice time even though it felt as if it were 900 degrees outside. Since I am divorced and not currently dating anyone that puts me in the single category (by the way I have been in this non-dating mode for the last 7 months). Most days I don't mind. I have a great job that keeps me super busy. I have two great kids, and some wonderful friends. Today, however, it bothered me. All around me these
happy little couples were holding hands, and some were even dressed in matching 4th of July garb. (Insert gagging noise here)

I couldn't even bring myself to attend the usual fireworks display at the beach. I knew everywhere I looked there would be happy little (sunburned valley people) all snuggled up in their blankets ooohing and aaahing over the pretty little lights. I just kept telling myself I was tired, and had to work in the morning so I should stay home.

Like I said most days I am perfectly happy being single as I know that God will let me know when I meet the right man(emphases on the word man). Being single can even have it's advantages. I can sleep in the middle of my bed if I want. I don't have to share the remote with anyone. I can eat an entire box of candy in one sitting if I wanted to (even though I never have) and no one would know. So why is it one silly little holiday where you dress up in the most unflattering color combinations, can make me wish so much that I was one half of a couple?

Tomorrow is July 5th, no one will dress in matching clothes and the men I work with make me want to remain single forever...and everything with be all better.

Happy Fourth Of July...

What does the fourth o July mean to you? To me it's a chance to celebrate the fact that I am still a free American with the chance to do anything I want with my life. I think as a woman I should feel extra blessed, as women in other countries don't have those same freedoms. I believe most young women today actually take that for granted. If we all could just look at today as more than just "another day off work"...(unless of course you work in an adult novelty store and don't get the day off) and actually be thankful for what we have, perhaps this world could be a little better even if for just one day.

So, floor tiles are NOT as fun as I thought they might be. I did, however, get my kitchen floor completed in just over 7.5 hours. I have never been very handy or into physical labor so the fact that I did this is amazing in it's self. I am pretty pleased with the results, and HEY....I don't have to mop this weekend!